Steve's Worklog: Satellite Falling

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  • Late to the party but good work, man.
  • Yeah, so I'll have eight, count 'em, eight different issues from Dark Horse out in 2013. First one in a month. That's by far the most comic book content that's ever come out from me in a single year. 

    Can I keep up this momentum? The only thing planned for 2014 right now is an Amala trade paperback...
  • @SteveHorton Man, you're 2013 schedule sounds great so far. You need to stop slacking on that 2014 schedule, buddy. :P

    Kidding. You have some time.
  • And I still don't write as often as I should. How is it that other guys who do nothing but comics for a living have achieved less success than a guy with a time consuming day job and family life to go along with the comics?
  • Three new Noble Bowmen pages from new series artist Meghan Carter. Intended for Kickstarter. Whatcha think?

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  • After some free advice from an editor friend of mine, Meaghan is reworking some of the panels before they go up on the Kickstarter. Needs establishing shots and a couple of the panels need more room for dialogue. Admittedly, these are things I should have caught myself in the inking stage.
  • Establishing shots is a continuing point of contention between me and one of my editors. It's not that I don't use them, but I also don't think they are actually necessary when switching to a new scene.
  • That's interesting, and that would make a great new topic. 
  • i don't see a problem with the establishing shots on these pages, unless the script calls for something that is totally missing.
  • @SteveHorton You're opening panels on these pages are kind of establishing shots already. My only issue was with the coloring - specifically creating depth with the backgrounds. Page 2 (panels 2 and 5) has a solid blue sky, but it doesn't really pop as sky. My recommendation was to add some clouds or something.
  • edited June 2013
    Yeah, the first panel on the first page is practically a textbook example of an establishing shot, and the first panels of each of the two following pages establish the scene changes well enough for me to understand the implicit "later, aboard the ship and underway" and "at night, below decks".
  • Here are the editor's notes, for you to agree or disagree with.

    page 1, panel 1: This is not an establishing shot of the coast of Venice, this is an establishing shot of a boat at a dock. Are we even in a city? How do we know? Establishing shots are supremely important. especially in a period piece and/or an exotic locale. Herge drew simply, but he knocked every establishing shot out of the park.

    Lots of Venice reference paintings of the era out there. This one took me about ten seconds to find:

    image

    page 1, panel 5 Script calls for guy to be seen climbing onto the ship, right? (The back of the ship, in fact--art shows the front of the ship.) We're not seeing that. Without climbing, the next panel makes no sense visually. or did the artist just decide to ditch that and just have the guy fire from the ship (which actually makes more sense).

    page 1, panels 6 and 7: From what I can tell, in panel 6 the masked guy is still on his boat, but the boat has appeared to rise dramatically compared to the previous panel, and it rises even more dramatically in panel 7. In panel 5, the guy is a little bit above eye level of the dockside characters, but by panel 7 he's like fifteen feet in the air. Why? Panel 7: why is the most important action on the page the size of a postage stamp? Relative panel size "tells" the reader the relative importance of the panel. Tiny panel, tiny importance. In panel 7, how can you really tell that Sergio fired the crossbow? 

    page 1, panel 8: What's happening here? Very unclear visually. We should see the dead body clearly floating in the water, better yet if we also see the arrow sticking out of him.

    Page 2, panel 1: another blown opportunity for a cool establishing shot of below decks. Think Master and Commander. How would Hal Foster have handled this? Or Herge? More importantly, where is Sergio?

    Page 2, panel 3: "Leave room for dialogue here." Instead, we have the smallest, most crowded panel on the page. Artists need to layout pages with space requirements for text in mind. This has to be a bigger panel.

    Page 3, panel 1: We still haven't seen the entire ship yet. Can you imagine a movie where you'd never see the whole ship? Also, what's the focus here, visually? If you're going to crop the shot, you need to compose the panel to push the reader's eye toward the visual message of the panel. This panel just says "Guys on a ship." Is the ship in mid-ocean or ten feet from the dock? How do we know? Also, we should be able to clearly see the kid Lorenzo in this panel.

    Page 3, panel 2. Pet peeve time: this is a completely unnatural shot  which could only be achieved by removing the upper port side of the ship (we see starboard) for the shot. Unnatural POVs serve to pull the reader out of the story. 

    Page 3, panels 3-5: No room for dialogue. Panel 5 is another unnatural POV. Where is Lorenzo? Where are the guys across from Bernardo?
  • And here's the script, for reference: 

    PAGE 1
    Eight panels.

    PANEL 1 - This is the biggest panel.
    Establishing shot of the coast of Venice, with a galley docked at a port from high above. We can see various other ships either docked or sailing.
    Zorzi (off): Pathetic!

    PANEL 2
    The first mate, Zorzi, is walking along the length of the galley. In front of him are 9 recruits lined up and facing him, all about 20 years old. They're a motley crew and each carry a crossbow, but the crossbows are in various states of disrepair. Zorzi looks disgusted. Behind him pinned to the rail is a target in front of each recruit.
    Zorzi: You think you can join the Noble Bowmen?

    PANEL 3
    Zorzi reaches the end of the line but hasn't noticed just yet that the 10th recruit is Sergio, clearly 15 and shorter and skinnier than the others. Zorzi interrupts himself.
    Zorzi: Undoubtedly the worst recruits I have ever...

    PANEL 4
    Zorzi jerks his head to stare directly at Sergio. He points a finger at Sergio's face and his eyes have narrowed. 
    Zorzi: You! Boy! What is your name?
    Sergio: S-Sergio.
    Zorzi: Suh-Sergio? Step up … SUH-Sergio.

    PANEL 5
    Cut to down and back, outside the ship. What we can't see is the other recruits glowering at him and Sergio and his crossbow stepping forward. What we can see, out of Zorzi’s field of vision, a small black schooner has sailed up alongside the galley. In the schooner, we can see a masked man in black climb up the back of the ship.
    Zorzi: SUH-Sergio misses, I’m having you all thrown into the sea.
    Zorzi: He hits - well, that's not going to happen.

    PANEL 6
    Sergio takes aim at the target. He's shaking a bit. The masked Turk in black raises a much nicer crossbow, aimed at Zorzi's head...

    PANEL 7
    Suddenly, Sergio swings the crossbow around and fires it at the same instant. Zorzi and several recruits hit the deck in the line of sight instinctively. A crossbow bolt erupts from the head of the assassin whose head jerks back. The assassin's crossbow goes flying.

    PANEL 8
    Zorzi, climbing to his feet, eyes on the dead bloody Turk assassin, is clearly impressed. Sergio is astonished, as are the other recruits, also getting to their feet.
    Zorzi: Welcome to the Noble Bowmen, boy. You are twenty, right? Don't answer that.

    PAGE 2
    Five panels on this page so we can fit in the dialogue.

    PANEL 1 - A wide establishing shot.
    In the sleeping quarters of the Venetian galley, inside the captain's cabin.
    Sergio is prominent in the foreground in one of many hammocks tied between two posts. Next to him in the next hammock over is his first friend Lorenzo. The color scheme is very deep blue. See the character guide for descriptions of the characters. Sergio has his eyes wide and looks insecure. He's lying and facing toward us, away from Lorenzo, who is sitting up slightly so we can see both of them.
    LORENZO: First time at sea?
    SERGIO: No! Granddad used to tahe me fishing a lot. Sometimes so late that we'd sleep in the boat overnight. 

    PANEL 2: 
    Close on Sergio who's smiling, remembering a happier time.
    SERGIO: Grandma really let us hear about it when we dragged outselves home at dawn.

    PANEL 3. Leave room for dialogue here.
    Go over to Lorenzo, who looks fascinated. We can see Sergio still also. 
    LORENZO: He teach you to shoot?
    SERGIO: Yeah. We thought I was too short to join the navy, so...
    LORENZO: So you'd be left home if the Turks invaded.
    SERGIO: Yeah, he wanted me to defend it or something.

    PANEL 4
    A wider shot now, showing that everyone else is asleep. 
    LORENZO: Sergio ... 
    SERGIO: What, Lorenzo?
    LORENZO: when did your family die?
    SERGIO: Yesterday morning. 

    PANEL 5
    Close on Lorenzo again. He looks haunted.
    LORENZO: Lucca lost his father, a really important person, I guess. Zorzi lost his kids, but don't ever mention it to him, he'll beat you.
    SERGIO: Patris pluit super iustos et inustos...
    LORENZO: Yes. Yes he does.


    PAGE 3
    Seven panels.

    Panel 1
    The next morning, above deck. A high-up establishing shot of the boat. Zorzi is dressing down the troops, but draw this page in a different fashion than the existing page you drew. There's a single bank of rowers, with seats missing where our four protagonists sit and help row when not training. The boat is drifting at sea at the moment, though, so the lowborn rowers are watching what's going on.

    Zorzi: Some of you earned a place in the Noble Bowmen on merit.

    Panel 2
    Close on Zorzi as he walks down the row of Noble Bowmen, including our four protagonists. He's walking from our left to our right, and the order is Lucca, Sergio, Lorenzo, Bernardo. 
    Zorzi: A few of you are here as political favors.

    Panel 3
    Zorzi pauses and spits down at the dock.
    Zorzi: Apparently some nobility enjoy sending their sons to me to make men out of them. The royal babysitter.
    Zorzi: Merda! I didn't sign up for this.

    Panel 4
    Zorzi stops in front of Bernardo, who stares back at him, eye to eye, defiantly.
    Zorzi: Like you. You can't shoot. Don't know your way around a ship. You've never even been out to see before.

    Panel 5
    Close on Zorzi and Bernardo, eye to eye. Bernardo is turning red.
    Zorzi: You look green. Get a little sick last night?
    Zorzi: What was that? Have something to say?
    Bernardo: No, sir.

    Panel 6
    Zorzi turns around and walks back the other way, bored of picking on him. We can see Lorenzo next to Bernardo, addressing him.
    Zorzi: I thought not.
    Lorenzo (whispering): Hey, we can show you the ropes, get you up to speed.

    Panel 7
    Bernardo whips his head around toward Lorenzo, hatred on his face and tears brimming. Lorenzo is taken aback.
    Bernardo: Vaffanculo! I will not be taught by lessors.
    Lorenzo: Okay, okay! I was just trying to help.

  • Yeah, I think that editor is mostly wrong. Some of these are debatable - to get back to the establishing shot business, do we need to know this is the docks at Venice? There's probably no establishing shot possible that makes that clear, actually, because not enough people know what the hell Venice looks like ESPECIALLY at the docks.

    But it may or may not matter. What needs to be established, is the question, and out of context I don't know.

    This...

    "page 1, panels 6 and 7: From what I can tell, in panel 6 the masked guy
    is still on his boat, but the boat has appeared to rise dramatically
    compared to the previous panel, and it rises even more dramatically in
    panel 7. In panel 5, the guy is a little bit above eye level of the
    dockside characters, but by panel 7 he's like fifteen feet in the air.
    Why? Panel 7: why is the most important action on the page the size of a
    postage stamp? Relative panel size "tells" the reader the relative
    importance of the panel. Tiny panel, tiny importance. In panel 7, how
    can you really tell that Sergio fired the crossbow? "

    The panel itself just reads to me like the camera and the boat shifted position, and I didn't actually notice it until it was mentioned. And I disagree with the tiny panel notion. Having said that, this sequence IS pretty unclear and I would rework it.
  • There's probably no establishing shot possible that makes that clear,
    actually, because not enough people know what the hell Venice looks like
    ESPECIALLY at the docks.

    especially in 1500 or whenever.
  • edited June 2013
    The only effective way I know to establish that this is Venice (without expository dialog or a caption) would be to show a gondolier navigating an urban canal: the standard (i.e. cliché) visual shorthand for that city, like showing a red double-decker bus to indicate London, or the Eiffel Tower in the background to identify Paris. Unless it's 1500.
  • I can see the editor's point and I think it's valid as there is nothing that distinguishes the opening shot as being 'of' Venice when the first panel clearly calls for it. But I would think the question is how relevant is Venice as the location. If you're going to show a lot of the city during the book, as the intro from earlier in this worklog suggests, rather than multiple sea-based locations, I think the very first panel of the book needs to set that in the reader's mind. Even if it's an overhead birdseye type view of a section of Venice around the docks so that no-one is any doubt of the locale. 
  • The editor's notes about the art not matching the script are objectively correct.  I'm not sure they're all worth complaining about, however.  Even in my limited experience, I've frequently chosen to just let it go when an artist didn't draw what I asked for, but what they drew still worked.  The page 1, 6-7 sequence was clear to me that the perspective had spun around in 3-space, but that does violate the "180º Rule", so I see his point.  I also agree with the general gist that much of the storytelling could be clearer.  I wouldn't call this "phoning it in", but yeah: it's not "A game" work.  For example, I see his point about page 3, panel 2: how to draw scenes that required the artist to remove the fourth wall and step back several paces is something I've struggled with.  But there's usually another solution.
  • A few buildings rising from the water would suggest Venice nicely, even Rennaissance Venice.
  • I think Meghan Carter is all sorts of wonderful.  Looking forward to supporting this!

  • @marvinmann aww now your just showing off Marv :) (those are great btw)
  • ... I'm with the editor 100%. Sorry. Meghan draws beautifully but I don't think the storytelling on page 1 is working.

    These pages are obviously not designed for the traditional format and if I were a betting man I'd venture that that is the source of the problem--she's not used to laying out pages with these dimensions.

  • Actually, I think the only problem storytellingwise is the last two panels. And part of that is, I think, that the second to last panel is overstuffed. It is possible to depict someone turning, firing, and hitting someone else, at a distance but it is reallllllly hard to do. I'd have had turn and fire, then next panel impact, then next panel hitting the water or some such.

    I feel as if that first page ought to be two pages, but I can't tell what this is formatted for.
  • This is a wide format Sunday Comics style book, so every page needs to be cohesive on its own.
  • As in, there are all spreads? Or just meant to viewed on the web?
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