Jason... if they're intimidated by your level and attention to detail in your writing then tell them to man up, step up or grow a pair. It's better to know how to handle a variety of scripts and not just be placated with the easy version.
God, it's like complaining about reading a book because it has too many words.
Okay, still on the second drink. I should use shot glasses instead of coffee mugs.
As someone who abandoned comics for gaming for about four years, I tend to approach my scripts as if I was a game master, describing a scene to my players.
Panel 1
Jimmy sits at a bar glaring into a half empty pint glass of Budweiser. He's about forty five with short black hair and a square jaw covered day's worth of stubble. He's wearing a plaid work shirt and a battered leather jacket that is open. The room is full of cigarette smoke and people, a motley crew of bikers, construction workers and off duty circus clowns. The bar itself is old and worn with plenty of chips and stains.
Panel 2
Jimmy walks out of bar and zips up his jacket, wincing as a biting winter wind blows past him whipping snow into his face. An unlit cigarette dangles from his mouth. It's important to note that he's not wearing gloves or a hat. Yeah he's tough like that. The street outside is dark and deserted. Snow is piled up about two inches on the ground and the sidewalk hasn't been shoveled.
@JonCarroll - You're my fucking hero. Throw in some camera angles and I'll dance like a pony. And do that even at issue #20 and you'll be seen as a hero among artists.
Don't get me wrong, I know writers don't want to feel like their constricting an artist. YOU WILL NOT. An artist can only do what is in their capability. That's why even with the most detailed script the artist will still envision it on the page in their way. That's why artists come in all sizes, flavors and styles. I guess any real problems would arise if pages got kicked back to the artist because they didn't meet the writer's vision. That's a problem. Derek McCulloch writes a LOT, but even to my face he'll say.... you can do what you want with it, but do *not* change the writing. Why? Because he IS the writer. The words on the page that are to be printed are HIS. How I envision the art is mine, hence... why the artist is usually given wiggle room.
I admit I am not as verbose as my peers, but here's a sample page from Amala #2. On this particular project, Michael is doing the panel to panel breakdowns as we work very comfortably together. But I have included that information with other artists, of course.
Note that I don't describe the inn in detail. Michael knows it's a Purifier inn that's called the Seven Silvers Inn. The design is up to him, and I know it'll be terrific.
And yes, he is co-creator.
PAGE 14
Amala approaches the nearest inn. We can see from the wooden sign and logo that it is the Seven Silvers Inn. As she enters, she witnesses an exchange between a lute-carrying bard comedian and the innkeeper (standing behind a bar). The bard is grinning from ear to ear and is standing at the bar, his elbow on the bar surface.
1. BARD: So, uh, how much for a room?
The innkeeper is not amused and jerks a thumb toward a sign way up and back behind him (so we couldn’t see it before). The sign says “JOKE ABOUT THE NAME – PAY DOUBLE!”
Crestfallen, the bard drops fourteen silvers in the man’s hand and whirls around. Seeing Amala for the first time, he touches his hat, then resumes his walk of shame out of the scene.
2. BARD: Ma’am…
3. BARD (off): Hmph. Writing a song about this, for sure … what rhymes with “Bastard”?
Me, I put in exactly as much detail as I feel I need. And no offense, Jimmie, but I won't ever put in more just to make it look like I'm working hard. Because the hard work is figuring out pacing and character what makes a story work, not panel description.
In fact, in the very first page of Savant, I can go from one extreme (not that extreme) to the other:
Panel One – We see an establishing shot of a house in the country. This a big old farmhouse, with a decaying and mostly collapsed barn in the background. The house itself isn’t looking too fine, either, truth be told, the occupants being a bunch of low rent biker assholes who are using this place as a warehouse for human traffic. So the yard is overrun by weeds and grass and junk is piled here and there. There are a couple of bikes beside the house and they are nice and shiny. One dude is standing guard outside – skinny, shaved head, wife beater and jeans. We don’t need to see in detail now, but he becomes important in a minute.
CAPTION It wasn’t Abel’s fault. Not really.
Panel Two – The guard looks around, and then goes to take a leak.
@Jimmierobinson it's funny that you should mention camera angles because after a spirited discussion on another board (in which I came down against the writer dictating the angle) I made a point of asking a panel of artist-writers (including Jerry Ordway, Bill Willingham and Cully Hamner) whether they preferred for the writer to describe such things. They all agreed that they would rather that remain within their purview. I think it makes the most sense to ask the artist whether they would prefer camera positioning to be included in the script or not.
I tend to include angles (birds eye view, etc) or whose perspective the shot should be from (over the shoulder of the protagonist, etc), but only when it's critical.
Obviously, there's no one way to skin a cat. In writing or drawing. My general rant was that I preferred a swiss army knife with all the options instead of the simple buck knife.
They both cut the same. Just some have more options.
And Justin, I'm not saying put in more just to make it look like it's harder work, I'm saying (for me) that if there's room for description then hand it over, bro. Write it. As you noted before if you can describe something easier than looking it up on Google then go for it. I'll take your description over a Google Image any day.
@JonCarroll - yeah, the camera angles seems to be a weird zone between writers and artists. I don't get it. I hear from some artists that a camera angle limits their work. But there are SO many variations on every camera angle. An *up shot* can be from almost any grade. From a worm's eye view to a bust shot.
And again, if the artist wants to tweak the direction to their strengths then they still have that option. But to never give the option in the first place just opens a can of worms of who is in charge of the direction and pacing of the story.
I tend to put in a lot of detail but tell the artists they are free to rethink panels/pages/scenes if they think of something better. As long as the story gets told the best way possible, I'm happy. I'm going to give them a good starting point but it's rare that something needs to be specifically the way I lay it out. And if there is, then I'll say so. I usually get thumbnails in advance anyway, but it hasn't been a problem.
And I do include links to reference or I'll drop a bunch of pics in a Dropbox folder for them to rummage through. I've drawn comics - I know how long it takes. I try to make it as painless as possible.
PAGE 5, panel one (Horizontal, most of top row.) We can see the whole case now. Medeiros now stands in front of the crossbow case and talks about the object. The kids listen.
1. MEDEIROS: That’s a crossbow, and the things that look like arrows are called quarrels or bolts. 2. MEDEIROS: Crossbows were first used in England during the Battle of Hastings in 1066, but they actually date back hundreds of years earlier to ancient China and Greece.
PAGE 5, panel two (Vertical, to right of panel one.) Tight on Wyatt as he listens to Medeiros speaks from off panel.
3. MEDEIROS: They weren’t as fast as traditional longbows because they took longer to load. But they required less training and were just as accurate.
PAGE 5, panel three (Big horizontal, center of page.) Wyatt’s fantasy panel. He’s a crossbowman on a CASTLE PARAPET, firing down at an unseen invader as soldiers around him try to repel invaders.
NO COPY
PAGE 5, panel four (Horizontal, bottom row.) Back to reality. Caleb elbows Wyatt. Everyone else is walking to a different part of the gallery.
PAGE 1, panel one (Horizontal, top third of page.) Exterior, day. Establishing shot of the BREEZY CITY MUSEUM OF ART. As we’ve discussed, the Art Institute of Chicago is the model for the exterior and interior. But to show that this is a fictional world, let’s replace the lion statues out front with twin statues of something more appropriate for this world. How about “furry” versions of Atlas holding the world on his back? (See http://cache2.artprintimages.com/lrg/26/2679/77ZUD00Z.jpg) Aside from that, the classic Roman architecture of the Art Institute should be recognizable: the marble steps; the arched entryways; the columns on the second floor; the banners in between those columns; etc. Here’s a great photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:20070622_Art_Institute_of_Chicago_Front_View.JPG . Here’s another great shot if you want to go with an angle, which is what Sanford did in Batman Strikes: http://www.panachemag.com/Museums/Art_Institute_of_Chicago/66750-58464/AIC-Facade,-South-View-II.jpg . Anyway… In front of the museum, three traditional YELLOW SCHOOL BUSES are parked and empty. PASSERSBY walk on the sidewalk in front of the museum; random ADULTS and CHILDREN are walking up and down the stairs, entering and leaving the museum. From inside the museum, an unseen teacher named MRS. MEDEIROS calls to her students.
1. MEDEIROS: Come on, kiddos! Gather up! 2. MEDEIROS: We’ve got a lot to see today! 3. TITLE AND CREDITS: FIELD TRIP Story: Russell Lissau Art and Letters: mpMann
PAGE 1, panel two (Horizontal, slightly larger than panel one.) Cut to MAIN LOBBY of the museum. We see RANDOM PATRONS and EMPLOYEES walking about, an INFORMATION DESK, a donor wall and more. The floor is marble; the ceiling is ornate (but you don’t have to copy the actual ceiling). (Here’s photoref: http://www.vinci-hamp.com/_images/_portfolio/13/1.jpg ) Or, if you’d prefer to stage this on the Grand Staircase so you can get some art and cool scenery in, that’s fine too: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L3Ya6e72jGw/T1JZoZyPdII/AAAAAAAAI1s/WUaVhJBz5kE/s1600/IMG_2173+-+grand+staircase.JPG Anyway…. Dominating the panel, MRS. MEDEIROS stands surrounded by about 40 STUDENTS and 5-6 ADULT CHAPERONES. Medeiros is talking about the day ahead and what’s expected, behavior-wise. Most of the students are paying attention; two boys (CALEB and WYATT) are off on one side are goofing off quietly; TWO RANDOM GIRLS are off on another side are looking at something on one’s smart phone; you know what kids do. IMPORTANT: Caleb has glasses and is wearing a T-shirt with a dinosaur on it. Important: The kids do not have backpacks. No backpacks allowed in museums.
4. MEDEIROS: I know you’ve been looking forward to this field trip for a long time, and I know you’re going to learn a lot. 5. MEDEIROS: But let’s remember to listen to your chaperones, to respect each other and the other visitors, and most of all to respect the museum and the pieces in the galleries. 6. MEDEIROS: So that means use your inside voices, no running and no touching.
PAGE 1, panel three (Thinner horizontal, left side of bottom row.) Closer in on the two goofy boys from the previous panel (Caleb and Wyatt) and the students immediately around them. Caleb rolls his eyes and whispers (but not too well) to the other boy. The second boy tries to hide a snicker/laugh. A girl, MEREDITH, looks at them sternly and tells them to shut up. Two other girls in the grouping (CORISSA and JOCELYN) just stare at the boys. IMPORTANT: Corissa is a zebra who has a picture of a ballet dancer or ballet shoes on her purple shirt. Also, Jocelyn has a pink breast cancer ribbon on her shirt.
7. CALEB (whispers): In other words, no fun. 8. WYATT: Hee hee! 9. MEREDITH: Shut up, Caleb!
PAGE 1, panel four (Thinner horizontal, right.) Change POV slightly. Meredith, Corissa and Jocelyn are talking with each other now, and Meredith looks smug. Caleb and Wyatt both sneer at the girls. They have “angry clouds” (think manga) over their heads. (This is a comedic moment.) From off panel, Medeiros calls to the kids.
Speaking of camera angles/cinematography — if I include it, it's because there's something I'm trying to achieve with it.
If I ask for an up-angle on a character, it's because they need to look heroic, menacing or dramatic.
If I ask for a wide shot, it's because we need to see some background detail, or where everyone is in the scene, or because I need a character to look small and alone.
If I include an over-the-shoulder shot, it's because I've got two characters talking in panel, but the focus needs to be on just one of them — the character we're seeing over the other character's shoulder.
If I have a series of shots in "fixed angle," it's because I feel the scene is best-served by a clear, consistent view, rather than by "cutting" to a different angle with each panel. I also include this when some element is going to move in an important way. (A recent script had one panel of three men looking down into a grave, followed by a fixed angle shot that was almost identical, except one man leaned forward — revealing a woman behind them with a raised sword, about to kill him.)
If the artist doesn't give the angle I asked for, that's fine — as long as the angle they give me accomplishes the same purpose as the angle I wrote. There's no problem with that. If the artist gives me something different from what I asked for, and it results in a panel that doesn't serve the role I need in the storytelling — I politely ask them to change it, and explain why.
(Example: Recently I asked Lukas to start a story with a "master shot" showing all the characters as we left them at the end of last issue — most of the heroes unconscious or incapacitated, and the only remaining one beaten and being loomed over by the villains. Instead, he did a super long-distance birds-eye view of the environment we were in — lovely, but completely disconnected from any emotion or peril and not doing a great job of establishing where the characters were or what was going on with them. Emphasis 90% on an environment that was basically irrelevant at this point in the story. I asked him to change it — and he pulled the camera even further out. Finally I got him to give me a panel that did what I needed — rejoined the battle already in progress, showed the reader what the score was, and immediately set up the peril that the one active cast member was in.)
I guess the take-away from all this is that writers should make make sure they know what their artist needs & expects in terms of script format. One artist I worked with told me flat out that he wanted a synopsis that just described the action, leaving it up to him to decide how to break it down into panels:
--
Scene One:
Shadowspark, Megorilla, and Manticore are in the process of robbing a small savings and loan in broad daylight. Manticore fires explosive spikes at the walls and floor, warning the staff and customers to not make any sudden moves. Shadowspark uses his electrical powers to break the electronic lock on the bank vault. Megorilla watches the street, and yells "Look out! It's Lady Spectra and Sparky!"
Spectra & Sparky pull up in front of the bank in their "Prismobile". Several police cars also arrive. Spectra comments that they've finally caught the so-called "Penny-Ante Gang" in the act...they've been pulling off minor crimes like this for over a month. No one can figure out why such powerful villains would go after such small amounts of money.
Before they can enter, Megorilla comes charging out the door, grabbing a police car and hurling it toward the heroes. They duck, and Spectra & Sparky fire their wrist-lasers at him. But, with the agility of an ape, he avoids the beams, backflipping and somersaulting like an Olympic gymnast, then changing course to land feet-first on Spectra. She is momentarily stunned, and he turns to Sparky, snarling "You're next!" While all this is going on, we see Manticore placing a device about the size and shape of a bowling ball in one of the holes he made in the floor...
--
If they don't express a preference, I default to something like this:
--
Page One
Panel One Big panel showing the hallway of a large, ultra-modern hospital. If there's room, try to put in a few typical details in the background: Doctors, nurses, a patient being wheeled down the hall on a gurney or in a wheelchair, etc. There is one strange element: tough-looking security guards armed with rifles patrol the halls (try to show at least one of these guys). Jessica Saphire is being led down the hall by a Doctor Boucher. Boucher is a man in his 60's, intelligent and friendly-looking. He's wearing a white lab coat over a button-up shirt, tie, and dark slacks. He also carries a clipboard, and has a stethoscope slung around his neck. Jessica is likewise dressed in a businesslike fashion: a similar lab coat over a simple blouse and either slacks or a conservative skirt. Perhaps her hair can be pulled back into a bun or otherwise pinned up.
Caption: THE PLACE IS AN UNUSUAL MEDICAL FACILITY IN DOWNTOWN TORONTO. THE VISITOR IS EQUALLY UNUSUAL... Boucher: WELCOME TO THE MENDEL CENTER, DR. SAPHIRE. Doc Saphire: I'M IMPRESSED, DR. BOUCHER. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS PLACE EXISTED! Boucher: FEW DO. WE'RE COUNTING ON YOUR DISCRETION.
Panel Two: Boucher flips through the papers on his clipboard.
Doc Saphire: OF COURSE. BUT I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY I WAS CALLED IN. SURELY YOUR OWN DOCTORS... Boucher: NONE OF OUR STAFF HAVE YOUR UNIQUE BACKGROUND AS BOTH AN OBSTETRICIAN, AND, ER... AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL.
Panel Three: Boucher holds up an ultrasound image of a developing fetus. The picture is blurry, but the fetus is clearly not human. It has six arms, a tail, and small wings growing from its back.
Boucher: WE'RE HOPING YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME INSIGHT INTO... THIS. Doc Saphire: GOOD LORD!
Page Two
Panel One: Doc Saphire studies the picture with a puzzled expression as Boucher reviews the notes on his clipboard.
Boucher: THE POLICE FOUND THE MOTHER UNCONSCIOUS IN A BACK ALLEY. PROBABLY A HOMELESS WOMAN. TESTS SHOW TOTALLY UNKNOWN CHEMICALS IN HER BLOODSTREAM. ALIEN.
Panel Two: Boucher and Saphire approach a door. The security guard standing next to the door talks to Boucher.
Doc Saphire: MAY I EXAMINE HER? Boucher: OF COURSE. RIGHT IN HERE. ANY SIGNS OF TROUBLE, ANTHONY? Guard: NO SIR. QUIET AS A TOMB IN THERE.
Panel Three: Large panel showing the inside of the hospital room. In the foreground, we see the Reaper climbing out a window with "Jane Doe" in his arms. Jane is a haggard-looking woman in her 30s, dressed in a hospital gown. She looks 8 or 9 months pregnant, and is unconscious. Reaper looks over his shoulder at Doc Saphire, Boucher, and the Guard as they enter the room.
Boucher: WHAT THE DEVIL...? Doc Saphire: HEY! STOP! Reaper: SORRY, FOLKS. YOUR PATIENT HAS AN APPOINTMENT WITH... THE REAPER! Title: IMMACULATE DECEPTION!
Yeah, my Kensuke scripts are basically playscript. I don't break pages or panels out for Tom, he does all of that himself. But he is pretty much the only one who wants the scripts that way.
@BrandonSeifert: That was one of the best and most lucid explanations of camera angles in comic writing I've read. Excellent stuff! As you note, every element should drive the story forward. If it doesn't, don't waste time on it.
For my stuff, the angle is absolutely key and I'll specify it for almost every panel. Page layout and breaks are key too - if an artist messes around with this there had better be a very good reason.
My scripts vary wildly depending on the artist. If I'm writing for my guy from Peru (which gets translated by a third party), every detail has to be perfect or it won't show up in the finished product. If it's an American artist I know well, I'll often give him or her a lot of leeway because I know they can visualize it well.
I included the following note to Rick in my script for "Seduction of the Innocent":
I script mostly by telling what-I-assume-will-be-my-future-self (when I get around to drawing it) what I'm picturing in my head. I've gone thru this script and tried to clarify it a bit more, but if anything doesn't make sense, let me know. In some places I've included specifics about panel sizes, camera angles, etc. but if you have better ideas for how to convey the story, go for it.
And here's how I did page 1:
1 – Crowd scene: a gay Halloween party. Have some fun with the background characters. There's a guy in a Joker mask (traditional comics style, not Heath Ledger) somewhere in the crowd (he'll show up at the end), but don't draw attention to him. Weak focus on Jason, 22 years old, dressed as Robin: the traditional Dick Grayson costume, with green short-shorts (which he fills out a bit better than a 10-year-old boy does), yellow cape, domino mask, etc. His hair is too long to do the Dick hairdo properly, but he has it slicked down, with the trademark curl on either side of his forehead. He's holding a large plastic beer cup, and hitting on a blond twink in a 1977-era punk costume (gelled hair sticking out, ripped jeans and t-shirt, safety pin earring), also drinking beer. There is music playing:
LYRICS I plug you in / Dim the lights / Electric Barbarella! Your perfect skin / Plastic kiss / Electric Barbarella!
JASON OK, I wanted to kiss Simon LeBon when I was like 11! But do we really need more Duran Duran in this day and age?
2 – Medium shot, with main focus on the airheaded punk, Jason next to him taking a drink... almost choking on it.
PUNK No kidding. This is lame. I like that new Hanson song!
3 – Closer shot of Jason, mortified and looking around for someone else to talk to. Punk is singing and bopping.
PUNK “Mmm bop, ba duba dop...”
JASON Um... never mind.
4 – The same big crowd scene as before, with everybody adjusted slightly. But now Batman has joined the scene, standing alone by the sliding glass door to the patio (which he must have just come through). Batman is in a realistic version of the standard modern Batman outfit from the comics (not the movies), like he would've gotten from a good costume shop. He is not superhero-level buff, but he's well-built. Early 30s. Jason has noticed him, intrigued.
JASON I see someone I need to talk to...
He didn't give me quite what I asked for, but what he drew told the story I wanted, so (with a little negotiation over the Batman costume, which was a little too Adam-West-y on the first draft) I was happy.
This is about as detailed as I get; I'm after a specific page layout, so I call some panel sizes, if not camera angles, I leave some lettering notes for me, I try to write some evocative descriptions, but I also leave the details to Jorge.
PAGE THREE (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Wide and thin across the top, maybe all the way to the bleed. We’re looking directly at DOCTOPUS, close in. Sinister lighting. All the fingers on its free hands become gnarly surgical and mechanical tools.
- DOCTOPUS: SYMPTOMS: LACK OF ACQUIESENCE AND SERVITUDE.
Panel 2. Tall, thin. ELEMENTEEN, now in full costume, shatters the frozen tentacles. Note for myself: have the captions be numbered on the page, with a circular number icon coming off the upper left corner.
- CAPTION: USE HYPERTURBINES IN HANDS AND FEET TO SUBTRACT HEAT FROM THE AREA, FREEZING TENTACLES.
Panel 3. Tall, thin. Looking down at ELEMENTEEN, who’s launched himself high above DOCTOPUS, tearing off the robot’s tentacles.
- CAPTION: USE ABSORBED AIR FROM HYPERTURBINES TO VIOLENTLY LAUNCH SELF UPWARDS.
Panel 4. Tall, thin. A column of rubble hits DOCTOPUS like a vertical freight train.
- CAPTION: USE THE HYPERTURBINES TO COLLECT THE RUBBLE FROM THE INITIAL ATTACK INTO A PUNISHING COLUMN.
I try to engage and entertain the half-dozen or so people who read my scripts in the same way that I hope to engage and entertain the readers of the finished product. I'm a technical writer by day, so I know how tedious a piece of information can be for all parties -- both readers and writer -- when it's reduced to a set of instructions. I want the artist, colorist, editor, etc., to enjoy reading the script.
My favorite example of this is Ellis's NEXTWAVE #1 script, where he digresses in the middle of a panel description to comment on the ridiculousness of Fin Fang Foom.
I'm also a stickler for accuracy, so my scripts are full of links. In ORPHANS #2, I invented a new location because I couldn't find reliable photos of the real location I wanted to use.
@JasonFranks - I did a graphic novel for Image Comics [AVIGON] around 2001 that was written by Che' Gilson. It was about 200 pages long. The first 24 pages was panel-to-panel. After that it was a screen play and I did the same thing as your artist. I broke it down into sequential panels and pages and pacing.
Also, I did that Avigon book without word balloons. It was all free floating text. So not only did I have to break down the panels, I had to design it in a way that the art would not interfere with the free floating dialog and I had to make sure the camera / character positions made it possible to read the page coherently. It was a challenge, to say the least.
@Jay_Latimer - I also add camera angles to every panel. And trust me, these are scripts that I write for MYSELF. And you know what? I still don't follow my own scripts. I could show you entire pages that I've reworked right on the drawing table and the script it came from. Hahahah!
So I'm not a zealot about panel description and camera angles, but I like to have it. And sometimes it gives me an idea of how to draw the panel a different way. Also (since I wear both hats) what I often see in my mind as the writer is not possible on the page. I do this with my own scripts. I'll read it and think... "what the hell was I thinking?".
I'm sure *at the time* it made sense, but when I sat down to draw from it then I realized how it wasn't working and how (now that the entire page is on paper) how I can make it work better.
I monkey-wrench scripts all the time.
The fact is, nobody is 100% on their game 100% of the time. Not the writer, the artist, the colorist, the letterer, the editor, whatever. Lazy scripts DO happen. Lazy art DOES happen. Short cuts are made -- especially after issue #20 or page 156 of that graphic novel and when time is tight. What we hope for is a good average and a good outcome that works *as a whole* to make a good book.
And then do it again for the next one. And again, and again...
@EricPalicki - I try for accuracy, too. Though I fail at it a lot, haha!
I want to always know where characters are standing -- even when I rotate the camera around. Granted... I DO take a lot of liberties with it. The details in the background have been known to change slightly, but in my view as long as the scene doesn't go from an indoor shot to an outdoor shot without explanation then the reader isn't lost. But I know some readers really get bent out of shape when they see a lamp on a table move from one end to another in some panels.
That said, I've had to work on that a bit with my current book, FIVE WEAPONS, because it is all about the details. It's like drawing a Sherlock Holmes book. So you KNOW shit must be drawn and positioned in a way that makes sense. Thus, the script (yes, my own script that I will draw myself) is specific about camera angles, POVs, dialog, actions, background details.
Right now I have a clue about a character that wears contact lens, so how do I provide such clues? Contact lens case, a bottle of eye drops, et. These are specifics that can't be glossed over -- especially when the hero does his speech to the group as he recounts *in flashback* how he figured things out.
Does anyone have any tips on writing outlines? I think I could increase my productivity if only I could figure out how to map out where I'm going with the plot before I start the script itself.
In addition to a 22-page beat sheet, I have a more amorphous outline with all the plot points and little bits I want to hit. I start it before the beat sheet, and it informs the beat sheet.
the story I wrote for Ming Doyle to illustrate for Comic Book Tattoo was 11 pages long. The script was almost 50 pages. I tend to be a bit... wordy. But I will say, the info I put in (and I clearly tell the artist this) is not me DICTATING how it should be... it's clearly conveying the characters, what they are going through, the environment and ambience, and the emotional "beats" of the story, so the artist has a clear grip on what they want to emphasize in the story. (If they put in every detail, each panel would look like one of the Geoff Darrow spreads in Hard Boiled, which is crazy stuff)
Comments
Panel 1
Jimmy sits at a bar glaring into a half empty pint glass of Budweiser. He's about forty five with short black hair and a square jaw covered day's worth of stubble. He's wearing a plaid work shirt and a battered leather jacket that is open. The room is full of cigarette smoke and people, a motley crew of bikers, construction workers and off duty circus clowns. The bar itself is old and worn with plenty of chips and stains.
Panel 2
Jimmy walks out of bar and zips up his jacket, wincing as a biting winter wind blows past him whipping snow into his face. An unlit cigarette dangles from his mouth. It's important to note that he's not wearing gloves or a hat. Yeah he's tough like that. The street outside is dark and deserted. Snow is piled up about two inches on the ground and the sidewalk hasn't been shoveled.
And so forth...
Note that I don't describe the inn in detail. Michael knows it's a Purifier inn that's called the Seven Silvers Inn. The design is up to him, and I know it'll be terrific.
PAGE 14
Amala approaches the nearest inn. We can see from the wooden
sign and logo that it is the Seven Silvers Inn. As she enters, she witnesses an
exchange between a lute-carrying bard comedian and the innkeeper (standing
behind a bar). The bard is grinning from ear to ear and is standing at the bar,
his elbow on the bar surface.
1. BARD: So, uh, how
much for a room?
The innkeeper is not amused and jerks a thumb toward a sign
way up and back behind him (so we couldn’t see it before). The sign says “JOKE
ABOUT THE NAME – PAY DOUBLE!”
Crestfallen, the bard drops fourteen silvers in the man’s
hand and whirls around. Seeing Amala for the first time, he touches his hat,
then resumes his walk of shame out of the scene.
2. BARD: Ma’am…
3. BARD (off): Hmph.
Writing a song about this, for sure … what rhymes with “Bastard”?
In fact, in the very first page of Savant, I can go from one extreme (not that extreme) to the other:
Panel One – We see an establishing shot of a house in the country. This a big old farmhouse, with a decaying and mostly collapsed barn in the background. The house itself isn’t looking too fine, either, truth be told, the occupants being a bunch of low rent biker assholes who are using this place as a warehouse for human traffic. So the yard is overrun by weeds and grass and junk is piled here and there. There are a couple of bikes beside the house and they are nice and shiny. One dude is standing guard outside – skinny, shaved head, wife beater and jeans. We don’t need to see in detail now, but he becomes important in a minute.
CAPTION
It wasn’t Abel’s fault. Not really.
Panel Two – The guard looks around, and then goes to take a leak.
GUARD
Always the fucking guard dog. Well…
Panel One - 119 words.
Panel Two - 13 words.
Courier):
PAGE 5, panel one
(Horizontal, most of top row.) We can see the whole case now. Medeiros now stands in front of the crossbow case and talks about the object. The kids listen.
1. MEDEIROS: That’s a crossbow, and the things that look like arrows are called quarrels or bolts.
2. MEDEIROS: Crossbows were first used in England during the Battle of Hastings in 1066, but they actually date back hundreds of years earlier to ancient China and Greece.
PAGE 5, panel two
(Vertical, to right of panel one.) Tight on Wyatt as he listens to Medeiros speaks from off panel.
3. MEDEIROS: They weren’t as fast as traditional longbows because they took longer to load. But they required less training and were just as accurate.
PAGE 5, panel three
(Big horizontal, center of page.) Wyatt’s fantasy panel. He’s a crossbowman on a CASTLE PARAPET, firing down at an unseen invader as soldiers around him try to repel invaders.
NO COPY
PAGE 5, panel four
(Horizontal, bottom row.) Back to reality. Caleb elbows Wyatt. Everyone else is walking to a different part of the gallery.
4. CALEB: Come on, Wyatt!
PAGE 1, panel one
(Horizontal, top third of page.) Exterior, day. Establishing shot of the BREEZY CITY MUSEUM OF ART. As we’ve discussed, the Art Institute of Chicago is the model for the exterior and interior. But to show that this is a fictional world, let’s replace the lion statues out front with twin statues of something more appropriate for this world. How about “furry” versions of Atlas holding the world on his back? (See http://cache2.artprintimages.com/lrg/26/2679/77ZUD00Z.jpg)
Aside from that, the classic Roman architecture of the Art Institute should be recognizable: the marble steps; the arched entryways; the columns on the second floor; the banners in between those columns; etc. Here’s a great photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:20070622_Art_Institute_of_Chicago_Front_View.JPG .
Here’s another great shot if you want to go with an angle, which is what Sanford did in Batman Strikes: http://www.panachemag.com/Museums/Art_Institute_of_Chicago/66750-58464/AIC-Facade,-South-View-II.jpg .
Anyway… In front of the museum, three traditional YELLOW SCHOOL BUSES are parked and empty. PASSERSBY walk on the sidewalk in front of the museum; random ADULTS and CHILDREN are walking up and down the stairs, entering and leaving the museum.
From inside the museum, an unseen teacher named MRS. MEDEIROS calls to her students.
1. MEDEIROS: Come on, kiddos! Gather up!
2. MEDEIROS: We’ve got a lot to see today!
3. TITLE AND CREDITS:
FIELD TRIP
Story: Russell Lissau
Art and Letters: mpMann
PAGE 1, panel two
(Horizontal, slightly larger than panel one.) Cut to MAIN LOBBY of the museum. We see RANDOM PATRONS and EMPLOYEES walking about, an INFORMATION DESK, a donor wall and more. The floor is marble; the ceiling is ornate (but you don’t have to copy the actual ceiling). (Here’s photoref: http://www.vinci-hamp.com/_images/_portfolio/13/1.jpg ) Or, if you’d prefer to stage this on the Grand Staircase so you can get some art and cool scenery in, that’s fine too: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L3Ya6e72jGw/T1JZoZyPdII/AAAAAAAAI1s/WUaVhJBz5kE/s1600/IMG_2173+-+grand+staircase.JPG
Anyway…. Dominating the panel, MRS. MEDEIROS stands surrounded by about 40 STUDENTS and 5-6 ADULT CHAPERONES. Medeiros is talking about the day ahead and what’s expected, behavior-wise. Most of the students are paying attention; two boys (CALEB and WYATT) are off on one side are goofing off quietly; TWO RANDOM GIRLS are off on another side are looking at something on one’s smart phone; you know what kids do.
IMPORTANT: Caleb has glasses and is wearing a T-shirt with a dinosaur on it.
Important: The kids do not have backpacks. No backpacks allowed in museums.
4. MEDEIROS: I know you’ve been looking forward to this field trip for a long time, and I know you’re going to learn a lot.
5. MEDEIROS: But let’s remember to listen to your chaperones, to respect each other and the other visitors, and most of all to respect the museum and the pieces in the galleries.
6. MEDEIROS: So that means use your inside voices, no running and no touching.
PAGE 1, panel three
(Thinner horizontal, left side of bottom row.) Closer in on the two goofy boys from the previous panel (Caleb and Wyatt) and the students immediately around them. Caleb rolls his eyes and whispers (but not too well) to the other boy. The second boy tries to hide a snicker/laugh. A girl, MEREDITH, looks at them sternly and tells them to shut up. Two other girls in the grouping (CORISSA and JOCELYN) just stare at the boys.
IMPORTANT: Corissa is a zebra who has a picture of a ballet dancer or ballet shoes on her purple shirt. Also, Jocelyn has a pink breast cancer ribbon on her shirt.
7. CALEB (whispers): In other words, no fun.
8. WYATT: Hee hee!
9. MEREDITH: Shut up, Caleb!
PAGE 1, panel four
(Thinner horizontal, right.) Change POV slightly. Meredith, Corissa and Jocelyn are talking with each other now, and Meredith looks smug. Caleb and Wyatt both sneer at the girls. They have “angry clouds” (think manga) over their heads. (This is a comedic moment.)
From off panel, Medeiros calls to the kids.
10. MEDEIROS: All right, everyone! Go explore!
--
Scene One:
Shadowspark, Megorilla, and Manticore are in the process of robbing a small savings and loan in broad daylight. Manticore fires explosive spikes at the walls and floor, warning the staff and customers to not make any sudden moves. Shadowspark uses his electrical powers to break the electronic lock on the bank vault. Megorilla watches the street, and yells "Look out! It's Lady Spectra and Sparky!"
Spectra & Sparky pull up in front of the bank in their "Prismobile". Several police cars also arrive. Spectra comments that they've finally caught the so-called "Penny-Ante Gang" in the act...they've been pulling off minor crimes like this for over a month. No one can figure out why such powerful villains would go after such small amounts of money.
Before they can enter, Megorilla comes charging out the door, grabbing a police car and hurling it toward the heroes. They duck, and Spectra & Sparky fire their wrist-lasers at him. But, with the agility of an ape, he avoids the beams, backflipping and somersaulting like an Olympic gymnast, then changing course to land feet-first on Spectra. She is momentarily stunned, and he turns to Sparky, snarling "You're next!"
While all this is going on, we see Manticore placing a device about the size and shape of a bowling ball in one of the holes he made in the floor...
--
If they don't express a preference, I default to something like this:
--
Page One
Panel One
Big panel showing the hallway of a large, ultra-modern hospital. If there's room, try to put in a few typical details in the background: Doctors, nurses, a patient being wheeled down the hall on a gurney or in a wheelchair, etc. There is one strange element: tough-looking security guards armed with rifles patrol the halls (try to show at least one of these guys). Jessica Saphire is being led down the hall by a Doctor Boucher. Boucher is a man in his 60's, intelligent and friendly-looking. He's wearing a white lab coat over a button-up shirt, tie, and dark slacks. He also carries a clipboard, and has a stethoscope slung around his neck. Jessica is likewise dressed in a businesslike fashion: a similar lab coat over a simple blouse and either slacks or a conservative skirt. Perhaps her hair can be pulled back into a bun or otherwise pinned up.
Caption: THE PLACE IS AN UNUSUAL MEDICAL FACILITY IN DOWNTOWN TORONTO. THE VISITOR IS EQUALLY UNUSUAL...
Boucher: WELCOME TO THE MENDEL CENTER, DR. SAPHIRE.
Doc Saphire: I'M IMPRESSED, DR. BOUCHER. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS PLACE EXISTED!
Boucher: FEW DO. WE'RE COUNTING ON YOUR DISCRETION.
Panel Two:
Boucher flips through the papers on his clipboard.
Doc Saphire: OF COURSE. BUT I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY I WAS CALLED IN. SURELY YOUR OWN DOCTORS...
Boucher: NONE OF OUR STAFF HAVE YOUR UNIQUE BACKGROUND AS BOTH AN OBSTETRICIAN, AND, ER... AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL.
Panel Three:
Boucher holds up an ultrasound image of a developing fetus. The picture is blurry, but the fetus is clearly not human. It has six arms, a tail, and small wings growing from its back.
Boucher: WE'RE HOPING YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME INSIGHT INTO... THIS.
Doc Saphire: GOOD LORD!
Page Two
Panel One:
Doc Saphire studies the picture with a puzzled expression as Boucher reviews the notes on his clipboard.
Boucher: THE POLICE FOUND THE MOTHER UNCONSCIOUS IN A BACK ALLEY. PROBABLY A HOMELESS WOMAN. TESTS SHOW TOTALLY UNKNOWN CHEMICALS IN HER BLOODSTREAM. ALIEN.
Panel Two:
Boucher and Saphire approach a door. The security guard standing next to the door talks to Boucher.
Doc Saphire: MAY I EXAMINE HER?
Boucher: OF COURSE. RIGHT IN HERE. ANY SIGNS OF TROUBLE, ANTHONY?
Guard: NO SIR. QUIET AS A TOMB IN THERE.
Panel Three:
Large panel showing the inside of the hospital room. In the foreground, we see the Reaper climbing out a window with "Jane Doe" in his arms. Jane is a haggard-looking woman in her 30s, dressed in a hospital gown. She looks 8 or 9 months pregnant, and is unconscious. Reaper looks over his shoulder at Doc Saphire, Boucher, and the Guard as they enter the room.
Boucher: WHAT THE DEVIL...?
Doc Saphire: HEY! STOP!
Reaper: SORRY, FOLKS. YOUR PATIENT HAS AN APPOINTMENT WITH... THE REAPER!
Title: IMMACULATE DECEPTION!
I script mostly by telling what-I-assume-will-be-my-future-self (when I get around to drawing it) what I'm picturing in my head. I've gone thru this script and tried to clarify it a bit more, but if anything doesn't make sense, let me know. In some places I've included specifics about panel sizes, camera angles, etc. but if you have better ideas for how to convey the story, go for it.
And here's how I did page 1:
1 – Crowd scene: a gay Halloween party. Have some fun with the background characters. There's a guy in a Joker mask (traditional comics style, not Heath Ledger) somewhere in the crowd (he'll show up at the end), but don't draw attention to him. Weak focus on Jason, 22 years old, dressed as Robin: the traditional Dick Grayson costume, with green short-shorts (which he fills out a bit better than a 10-year-old boy does), yellow cape, domino mask, etc. His hair is too long to do the Dick hairdo properly, but he has it slicked down, with the trademark curl on either side of his forehead. He's holding a large plastic beer cup, and hitting on a blond twink in a 1977-era punk costume (gelled hair sticking out, ripped jeans and t-shirt, safety pin earring), also drinking beer. There is music playing:
LYRICS
I plug you in / Dim the lights / Electric Barbarella!
Your perfect skin / Plastic kiss / Electric Barbarella!
JASON
OK, I wanted to kiss
Simon LeBon when I was like 11!
But do we really need more
Duran Duran in this day and age?
2 – Medium shot, with main focus on the airheaded punk, Jason next to him taking a drink... almost choking on it.
PUNK
No kidding. This is lame.
I like that new Hanson song!
3 – Closer shot of Jason, mortified and looking around for someone else to talk to. Punk is singing and bopping.
PUNK
“Mmm bop, ba duba dop...”
JASON
Um... never mind.
4 – The same big crowd scene as before, with everybody adjusted slightly. But now Batman has joined the scene, standing alone by the sliding glass door to the patio (which he must have just come through). Batman is in a realistic version of the standard modern Batman outfit from the comics (not the movies), like he would've gotten from a good costume shop. He is not superhero-level buff, but he's well-built. Early 30s. Jason has noticed him, intrigued.
JASON
I see someone I need to talk to...
He didn't give me quite what I asked for, but what he drew told the story I wanted, so (with a little negotiation over the Batman costume, which was a little too Adam-West-y on the first draft) I was happy.
This is about as detailed as I get; I'm after a specific page layout, so I call some panel sizes, if not camera angles, I leave some lettering notes for me, I try to write some evocative descriptions, but I also leave the details to Jorge.
PAGE THREE (FOUR PANELS)
Panel 1. Wide and thin across the top, maybe all the way to the bleed. We’re looking directly at DOCTOPUS, close in. Sinister lighting. All the fingers on its free hands become gnarly surgical and mechanical tools.
- DOCTOPUS: SYMPTOMS: LACK OF ACQUIESENCE AND SERVITUDE.
- DOCTOPUS: DIAGNOSIS: UPPITY ANDROID
- DOCTOPUS: TREATMENT: RADICAL COMPUBRAIN SURGERY.
Text between panels: WAYS FOR MARK TO ESCAPE:
Panel 2. Tall, thin. ELEMENTEEN, now in full costume, shatters the frozen tentacles. Note for myself: have the captions be numbered on the page, with a circular number icon coming off the upper left corner.
- CAPTION: USE HYPERTURBINES IN HANDS AND FEET TO SUBTRACT HEAT FROM THE AREA, FREEZING TENTACLES.
Panel 3. Tall, thin. Looking down at ELEMENTEEN, who’s launched himself high above DOCTOPUS, tearing off the robot’s tentacles.
- CAPTION: USE ABSORBED AIR FROM HYPERTURBINES TO VIOLENTLY LAUNCH SELF UPWARDS.
Panel 4. Tall, thin. A column of rubble hits DOCTOPUS like a vertical freight train.
- CAPTION: USE THE HYPERTURBINES TO COLLECT THE RUBBLE FROM THE INITIAL ATTACK INTO A PUNISHING COLUMN.